Question by Ben: How can I get help with addiction?
I am not new to drugs, I have had my fun and overall have a good sense of what I was doing, and never had a problem.
I work full time and go to school full time, which has been very stressful between VA consistently not paying the school or my rent, my wife refusing to work over 20 hrs a week, supernatural car problems and everything in between.
I tried spice about 2 years ago and now it has grown into a flat out addiction and I have no idea when that happened or how, I find myself lying to my wife about buying the stuff, and I go to great lengths such as donating plasma to afford it. Whenever I try going sober its like my chemistry in my brain changes the way I think where “It’s ok to lie, they don’t understand what you go through, you need and deserve this”, then when I smoke it I feel like a dirtbag, like I am a weak person with no self control, all I want when I am high is to do things right and be a better person, but when I am not high it seems that the only thing that will bring happiness is smoking another bowl.
It’s to the point where I don’t find fun or joy in anything, I have been so used to giving up my hobbies/freetime/ for others who don’t even appreciate it that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I had it, the only release on a day to day basis is when I smoke, which does not “fix” the problem, just makes you more numb to it.
I have been wanting/trying to quit, but when I try to talk to my wife about it she just gets angry and dishes out threats or how I am such a bad person, and shows no support at all. I am not a bad person, in fact sometimes my service to others and selflessness have cost me dearly, I have no family and no one to turn to, I need help from someone kind and caring who knows what this kind of thing is like, where is a good online resource without going to a clinic that will end my work and school careers? (in Utah, a former addict is worse than a serial killer and if your employers find out about it, you wont HAVE a job).    Read more...